currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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