Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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