We named our party play list daddy issues
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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