i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize