I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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