Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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