I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
