Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
