Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
