DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
