Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
