shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
