You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I've blown a few things in my day
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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