I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I forget how to act sober
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
