yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
