so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
