I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I want a musical about memes.
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