At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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