ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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