I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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