i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
