Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
