....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
