she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I am midnight drunk by noon
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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