I accidentally had phone sex last night
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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