go do what you do best...puke behind churches
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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