Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
