Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
