I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
