also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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