I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
