I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
