nut hugger
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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