Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
