my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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