Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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