I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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