if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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