I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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