good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
