I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
