drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
