People in love make me want to vomit
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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