I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
