Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
