I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
