THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
