Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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