my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
