Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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