my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
