I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
