why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize