just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize