I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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