i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
