I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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