and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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