i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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