i would punch a child for taco bell
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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