he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
