jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
