Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
