She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
