eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
