The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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