hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
