Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
