I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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