I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
