I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Quick, to the slutcave!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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