I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
